Out of His Love

Jadon spent the night at mom's last night.  I was excited for the opportunity to be a mom to just one child for a day, but when I dropped him off my heart hurt!  I missed him immediately!  It felt like I was leaving half my heart with mom.  I almost cried.  It was odd for me.  It made me wonder how parents live when they've lost a child... or how parents function when they can't see their kids every day.  My heart hurt for them too.  It also made me think of my mom.  To say we've had 'issues' is an understatement of the century, but it made me wonder how she must feel not seeing or talking to me.  I called and talked with her for a short bit.  I was excited to use that time to spend it with Jason, but that didn't work out like I planned.  I'm definitely a little disappointed about that.  Joshua misses Jadon as well.  You can tell he's bored out of his mind without his brother here.  :P

My mom sent me a voice recording of the last conversations he had with my uncle paul (her brother.)  I cried.  I had completely forgotten what his voice sounded like after 20 years.  It made me wonder what my life would have been if he hadn't died.  A part of my mom died that day... she was never the same.  To have his support for the both of us may have made my life a little better (hers too.)  Plus, to have a father figure it my life would have been so critical.  I would have loved to have known him as an adult.  To hear him laugh and to know a male in my family.  It's amazing that his loss still hurts even 22 yrs later.

Joshua is walking!  Well, he's made up to 5 steps, but it's primarily 3.  I can't believe he's doing all this so early.  Jadon didn't start walking until the 13th month.  I'm really praying because I think Joshua is going to be my 'daredevil' who just does it without thinking it through.  It makes me a little nervous! 

Here's a video of Joshua making his steps:
http://www.facebook.com/janine.teague?v=app_2392950137#!/video/video.php?v=10150101675135365


And here's a picture of Joshua and I in a cute outfit my aunt Jane got him:

I can't believe how Good the Lord has been to give us such beautiful little people.  Lately it's really been hitting me hard realizing that the Lord gives just because He loves me... not because I've done one thing to deserve it.

If I sat here and typed out all the things He's given me out of Love vs. what I deserve.  Well, it would take a very long time.  but, yet, there's a part of me that wonders what my life would be like if I actually built intimacy with Him the way my heart yearns to.

Interesting thought.