Realizations

I've had a lot of reality shifts these last few days.

I'm surprised how little I miss facebook.  I haven't wanted to go back.  I thought for sure, by now, that I would be itching to return.

I found out that Jason, and his 'source' have been stalking me for over a year.  Yup.  Stalking me.  Heck.  They still may be on this blog, but I am not going to shut myself down because there is someone evil out there.

Then, as I drove to get Jadon, these realizations hit me like a ton of bricks:

Jason abandoned me, cheated on me, lied to me, stalked me, and abused me mentally and spiritually.  Yet, he still calls himself a 'righteous man.'

Finding out what he, and his 'source', have been doing has made me feel raped all over again.  However, what they've done feels far worse than what happened to my body 2 weeks ago.  What they did was premeditated.  What they did violated my dignity, my privacy, and my personal space.  What's sick?  They did it with no qualms.  No convictions.  Only sickening 'righteousness.'

I feel a tremendous amount of hated.  I know that it's not healthy for me to feel.  I Will process it.  I Will Heal, but at this moment my hatred feels justified.  I have never wanted any person to ever exit my life as much as I want my ex husband to just LEAVE me alone.   I do not want him.  I do not want to see him.  It's a beautiful thing.  I have made a lot of mistakes in this path called life.  Truly, a lot of mistakes.  I feel like an utter fool for begging that man to choose me. To choose our family.

Yet.  I don't.  I did the right thing.  I fought for my marriage and now I'm gladly moving on.  I am so glad I'm not with a man who would do all that he's done to me.  Nara, his mom, and his brother can have him.

Speaking of moving on...

I had some beautiful moments with my kids these last few days.  Joshua had a GREAT week at school!  He got a smiley face every day!!  So I took him out for a date with mom on Friday.  He got his favorite slushie and then we went to Cornerstone for an eauclair.  Here's a photo:

My beautiful boy was so excited and appreciative.  It was a beautiful date.  I am so glad I'm his mommy!

Jadon and I had a date today.  We went shoe shopping and then he got his beloved slushie.  I regret that I didn't get a photo!  But, we had a good time!  He loves his new shoes.  They light up different colors.  He's so charming. I was surprised when he chose the peach mango slushie flavor.  So nasty, LOL!  We held hands and loved each other in that hour.

Prior to that I went to bible study.  We are doing a book about prayer.  I'm kind of bored with it so far, but the end looks good.  I can't wait to read more about praying the various names of God.  It also goes over the names/roles of the holy spirit.

After Jadon, I grocery shopped and heading home.  I bought a pork chop from kendalls and came home to fry up onions/peppers/zucchini.  Now I blog while my feet are up.  I feel relief to know that I no longer have a man in my life that thinks it's okay to do all the horrible things he's been capable of.