I've come to the point where I'm considering one of the kids must have taken both items, but that doesn't make much sense to me because Jadon has hit his PRIME in informing me (well, the whole neighborhood) if his brother is doing/saying/playing/thinking anything he shouldn't do. Jadon Knows what items are mommy's and he'd quickly tell me if his brother had an item... especially a ring and glasses.
I just don't get it. The ring I wear WITH my pink ring was in the jewelry box so why isn't the pink ring? I never take one ring off and not the other. I've looked in that box several times (even had Jason look in case I've lost my marbles), searched drawers, crannies, under bed, inbetween the bed, inside/outside the couch, etc. I'm so baffled. I can't figure out where they've gone. I've searched every place I can fathom. Even the nasty, revolting, disgusting trashcan TWICE. My tall jewelry box is in my closet that has a childs lock on it! Mind you, sometimes I forget to close it, but my kids like to take things in two's ... i can't imagine Joshua would stop at one ring and not grab another.
I get that I'm pregnant and truly scatterbrained, but this still doesn't make sense to me. I told Jason that I don't deserve another piece of jewelry if I lost that ring. It wasn't a cheap gift. It was actually made my hand with a beautiful pink moon stone. I can't replace it. Ultimately it's my fault. I either put it someplace I shouldn't or made it available for the kids to grab. I'm past the crying point, but now I'm just mad. How could I missplace it? If a kid took it, WHERE IS IT?!?!
It's the same thing with my glasses! They just VANISHED too. I just keep praying the Lord would show me where they are, but so far nothing. No inklings or thoughts that lead me there.
I've made some really poor choices lately and I can't help but go to that old place of, "maybe this is some form of punishment." We haven't spent our money as wisely as we should, my walk isn't where it should be, my thoughts/mind/mouth aren't where they should be - truly making conscious choices I know are wrong, but still do it. Maybe I deserve to lose these things. Then that old rejection from being brutally abandoned and rejected when I was young makes me feel like things/people just never stay in my life. That there's something wrong with me that pushes people - and even things - away.
Jason HATES it when I go there. I try not to, but it is something that has haunted me ever since I was a small child. He sighs in pure exasperation and asks me how I can think God would ever work that way.
So, yeah, I'm in a battle. I put on my pandora worship music to try and clear the fog in my head when those voices get too loud and I start to feel the depression trying to claw it's way in.
Then, yesterday, as I fought depression over all this stuff, I was using the ladies room and I broke the toilet seat. BROKE IT. The bolts (or whatever it is back there) just snapped when I twisted slightly. I already felt so terrible for possibly losing this stuff, but then to break a toilet seat?! That's rough on any one, but especially a pregnant woman in her third trimester that feels wider then the ocean blue. Logically I understand it's the toilet seats fault, but it's still a very cruel thing to happen to a pregnant woman! lol I sat there crying as Jason ran in to see what happened. (I almost fell in the toilet seat.) All i could cry was, "Am I really that fat to break a seat?!"
So, now I go to pick up all the toys and see if maybe I can find my missing items. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or bummed it wasn't in the revolting trash.
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