But People found me. In text or messenger once i activated it again. People actually cared. I'm still hiding because I don't want the world to watch me burn, but at least I'm communicating here.
The irony. Guess who has chased me the most? Through people. The one I hate the most other than me because He made me.
God.
He's done it in small ways. Through a drawing someone made of me. This drawing has breathtaking angel wings. Only God knows the meaning behind real looking angel wings. Reminding me I'm not alone.
He did it through Julie. My recent person who is bipolar and local.
He did it through old highschool friends. One who left me the sweetest voicemail that I'll always save. Another highschool friend who sent me pictures of a bible study that I actually know that I need to do.... and that study led me to do a WORD study in the bible.
It comes from Isaiah 61. "He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted."
It breaks down the Hebrew. Essentially this verse is saying he sent Jesus, like a shooting arrow, to bind up the broken hearted.
Bind up is the Hebrew word: Chavash - it means, "To bind on, wrap around; bind up as a wound, bandage, cover, envelope, enclose."
Get this! Broken is the Hebrew word: Shawbar - "to burst, break into pieces, wreck, crush, smash; to rend, tear into pieces (like a wild beast.)
I sat there totally flabberghasted. That is EXACTLY how I feel. It even goes so far to show that a broken heart is actually considered HEMORRHAGING! Think about that. Hemorrahaging. Dude. Your going to die if you don't bind that up. And that's how I feel. Like I'm dying.
SO. God sends his son, like an arrow, to bind up, wrap around, cover, bandage, and envelope a heart that has been crushed, smashed, wrecked, and torn into pieces like a wild beast.
Meditate on that a minute. I did. I mean that's living breathing stuff right there. Does a wild beast rip anything apart graciously? No! It destroys the very life and rips them apart to never mend again.
So then I pulled up google and decided to look up that hebrew word for other references in the bible. And WOW!!!! Every time you read "broken"or "break" it means crushed. riped to shreds. true gut wrenching pain. God knows pain. The bible breathes that pain and answers that God knows and sends jesus to bind us up.
7 Our soul has escaped as a bird out of the snare of the trapper; The snare is broken and we have escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
For it is good to sing praises to our God; For [c]it is pleasant and praise Is becoming. 2 The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. 3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their [d]wounds.
4 He counts the number of the stars; He [e]gives names to all of them.
5 Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is [f]infinite. 6 The Lord [g]supports the afflicted; He brings down the wicked to the ground.
IS 42
To bring good news to the [b]afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And [c]freedom to prisoners; 2 To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, 3 To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called [d]oaks of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
PS 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are [d]crushed in spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of
the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20 He keeps all his bones, Not
one of them is broken.
PS 51:17
For You do
not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased
with burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of
God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You
will not despise.
PS 124 6-8
Blessed be the Lord, Who has not given us [c]to be torn by their teeth.
7 Our soul has escaped as a bird out of the snare of the trapper;The snare is broken and we have escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
7 Our soul has escaped as a bird out of the snare of the trapper;The snare is broken and we have escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
PS 147
Praise [b]the Lord!
Behold, My Servant,
whom I [a]uphold; My chosen
one in whom My soul
delights. I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice
to the [b]nations. 2 “He will not cry out
or raise His voice, Nor make
His voice heard in the street. 3 “A bruised reed He
will not break And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He
will faithfully bring forth justice.
IS 61
The Spirit of the Lord [a]God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me To bring good news to the [b]afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And [c]freedom to prisoners;
2 To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, 3 To grant those who mourn in Zion,Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning,The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called [d]oaks of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
EZ 34: 4 & 16
Then the word of the Lord came to me
saying, 2 “Son of man, prophesy
against the shepherds of Israel. Prophesy and say to [a]those shepherds, ‘Thus
says the Lord [b]God, “Woe, shepherds of
Israel who have been [c]feeding themselves!
Should not the shepherds [d]feed the flock? 3 You eat the fat
and clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat sheep without [e]feeding the flock. 4 Those who are sickly
you have not strengthened, the [f]diseased you have not
healed, the broken you have not bound up, the scattered you have not
brought back, nor have you sought for the lost; but with force and with
severity you have dominated them. 5 They were scattered
for lack of a shepherd, and they became food for every beast of the field
and were scattered.6 My flock wandered
through all the mountains and on every high hill; My flock was scattered
over all the surface of the earth, and there was no one to search or seek for them.”’”
16 “I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the
broken and strengthen the sick; but the fat and the strong
I will destroy. I will feed them with
judgment.
I have do not know what to do with all of this yet. But I am thinking on it. It, at the very least, makes me want to read the bible because clearly the bible gets it... and hebrew is beautiful.
