I wanted it to be growth!
Yet, I knew that there were things happening in my life that needed an emotional release. A catharsis of tears. Crying, for me, is therapeutic. When I cry it's as if I am releasing toxins out of my system. Yet, I couldn't cry. I just kept going forward wondering when the dam would break.
It finally broke today and what a blessed relief it brought. Thankfully, what broke it, is a bible study that I started. It's on the book of Ecclesiastes. The first day talks about how our parents decisions, and vows, affect us today as adults. They affect us emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. It can aid us in lacking peace.
And, as I laid here praying about that thought, the dam broke and I found myself finally able to cry.
I believe, when 2 people come together, and make a baby, it creates a 'vow' to that child. A promise that they will have a mother and father that will love them. The baggage parents bring into a childs life affects their own personal live vows as they grow up. Do the parents give the children a message that they are loved? A mistake? Do they challenge the child to dream or tell them they won't amount to much? What kind of role model are they? Do they force their children to create life vows to Never be "xyz" or are their personal vows more to model the type of parent they experienced?
Then there are relationship vows.
I've been struggling with deep pain whenever I see Jason. And, frankly, that pain has pissed me off! I couldn't figure out 'why'! I don't want to be with him. He has turned into such a mean jerk. He won't communicate about the boys and the way he protects Nara against me, as if I am a danger to her, is flat insulting. When I dropped my boys off, Saturday, I happened to watch Jason wrestling with one of Nara's sons. I couldn't stop the tears that smarted my eyes. I got out of there as fast, and graciously, as I could.
See, Jason vowed, before God - and Man - to love me. To choose me. In sickness and in Health. He didn't keep his vow. He didn't keep his promise. He didn't love me. He didn't chose me. He, normally, shamed me when I was sick. He certainly didn't love my body or value my input. He gas lighted me at every opportunity. He let others hurt me. He cheated on me with another woman. He may not have had sex with her, but a spiritual and emotional bond is just as bad as physical sex. I fought for him. I fought for our marriage tooth and nail, but he just threw me away like broken garbage.
THAT'S why I was hurting. Because, seeing Jason with his new family reminded me that he broke his vow. He lied to me. He did not choose me.
Another area that's haunted my heart is a guy that I cared about a great deal. He was my best friend and I was his. He promised to come back, but didn't. He found someone else instead. Another example of a broken vow.
Friendships... when someone compares you to family, tells you they love you, I believe that's a form of a 'vow'. Family is a life time thing (normally.) So to compare you to family, but then check out of your life is another broken 'vow' that Hurts.
So there you go. I could finally cry because I finally knew why I hurt so bad. I hurt over all vows that had turned into broken promises and painful lies.
But, as I cried, I felt the holy spirit ask me, "What are God's promises?"
So I decided to ask Google and it's AMAZING all of the promises God has made. Promises to protect my children. A promise that His love will never fail. He is faithful in every way. He promises that my sins are forgiven. That He sent His son to die for me sot hat I might live. He promises he sent Jesus as my mediator and the holy spirit as my comforter, convictor, and friend. He promises peace, to comfort me in my trials, and that His love will never fail me. He promises that there is no height, or depth, nor demon, no angel - nothing can separate me from His love.
He promises to heal all my broken areas. He promises eternal life, friendship, and to complete His work in me.
And the beautiful thing about God? His Yes is Amen. He is not a liar. He has never broken a vow and He never will.
Jason may have broken his vow. My parents did. Boyfriends did. Friends have. Family have. Heck, *I* have!
But. My God, who supplies all my needs, has never broken a vow and He never will. He is trustworthy, honest, fair, loving, my husband, and My Father. There is a GLORIOUS HOPE in that!
I thought I'd share some of what I found...
Here are just a few of the promises that God has made:
Promises of God in the Old Testament.
God promised to bless Abraham and, through his descendants, the whole world (Genesis 12:2–3). This promise, called the Abrahamic Covenant, pointed to the coming Messiah for whom Abraham looked (John 8:56).
God promised Israel to be their God and make them His people (Leviticus 26:12–13). Old Testament history is teeming with examples of God fulfilling this promise.
God promised that if we search for Him we will find Him (Deuteronomy 4:29). He is not playing hard-to-get. “Our God is near us whenever we pray to him” (Deuteronomy 4:7).
God promised protection for His children (Psalm 121). He was the vigilant watchman over all Israel.
God promised that His love will never fail (1 Chronicles 16:34). He is faithful in every way.
God promised Israel that their sin could be forgiven, their prosperity restored, and their nation healed (2 Chronicles 7:14). Repentance opened the road to fellowship and blessing.
God, under the terms of the Mosaic Covenant, promised prosperity to Israel for obedience and destruction for disobedience (Deuteronomy 30:15–18). Unfortunately, Israel eventually chose to disobey, and the nation was destroyed by Assyria and Babylon.
God promised blessing for all who will delight themselves in His Word (Psalm 1:1–3). Simple faith has its rewards.
Promises of God in the New Testament.
God promised salvation to all who believe in His Son (Romans 1:16–17). There is no greater blessing than the free gift of God’s salvation.
God promised that all things will work out for good for His children (Romans 8:28). This is the broader picture that keeps us from being dismayed by present circumstances.
God promised comfort in our trials (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). He has a plan, and one day we will be able to share the comfort we receive.
God promised new life in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). Salvation is the beginning of a brand-new existence.
God promised every spiritual blessing in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). Whereas, in the Old Testament, Israel had the promise of physical blessing, the church today has been promised spiritual blessings “in the heavenly realms.” Our inheritance is reserved for us (1 Peter 1:4).
God promised to finish the work He started in us (Philippians 1:6). God does nothing in half measures. He started the work in us, and He will be sure to complete it.
God promised peace when we pray (Philippians 4:6–7). His peace is protection. It will “guard your hearts and your minds in Christ.”
God promised to supply our needs (Matthew 6:33; Philippians 4:19). Not that we get everything we want, but our needs will be taken care of. We are more valuable than the birds, and our Heavenly Father feeds them (Matthew 6:26).
Jesus’ promises in the Gospels.
Jesus promised rest (Matthew 11:28–30). Burdens are lifted at Calvary.
Jesus promised abundant life to those who follow Him (John 10:10). Following Jesus brings us more spiritual fulfillment than we could have anticipated. We leave boring behind.
Jesus promised eternal life to those who trust Him (John 4:14). The Good Shepherd also promised to hold us securely: “No one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28).
Jesus promised His disciples power from on high (Acts 1:8). In this power, they “turned the world upside down” (Acts 17:6, ESV).
Jesus promised that He will return for us (John 14:2–3). From then on, we will be with Him always.
There are many more promises of God that could be listed. All of them find their ultimate fulfillment in Jesus Christ, “the radiance of God’s glory” (Hebrews 1:3). “No matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:20).
