Perspective

I find it amazing how much perspective affects every area of your life.  It affects the way you see God in/around you, how you interact with people, your kids, your husband, and your friends.  Perspective also, deeply, affects the way you see everything else around you.

A few months ago I would have been anxious and slightly devestated to find out Jason was moving to night shift.  I couldn't sleep easily with him gone and my anxieties were high.  I was scared to be alone.  My mind would run crazy worrying over what could happen at home or at his job.  I just didn't feel safe. Then he got the transport job... and that changed everything.

He would be forced to get up at 12:30am, be to work by 1:30am, and return anywhere from 16 to 24 hours later.  10 of those hours would be driving back and forth through the mountains.  Half the time he'd get home around 9pm and be forced to get up at 12:30pm.  The hours were terrible, but when you mixed in the winter roads it became down right frightening.  I'd wake up throughout the night speaking in tongues and praying for his safety.  I believe those prayers kept him safe (I have specific instances I could name), but when the other team had that terrible accident that was 'it' for me.  That could have easily been him!

Shortly there after I started having really intense and painful contractions at 30 weeks.  I wasn't completely shocked they happened because with both of my prior pregnancies I ended up on bedrest at 31 weeks.  My body just seemed to go into labor around that time.  However, this time it was a mixed bag of blessings and fear.  Having contractions that early forced him to leave the transport team.  He told them that he could no longer leave Lea County.  (He had turned in his resignation 2 months prior, but stayed there waiting for his replacement that never seemed to come.)  If the contractions hadn't started he'd still be working that scary job.  Thankfully, the contractions have eased up/stopped, but I believe that's due to lack of stress, prayers, and the fact that I'm taking it easy.

Jason is now working night shift.  Last night was his first night.  I was amazed, and blessed, that I had no anxieties.  I actually passed out and slept so deep that I didn't even have my leg pillow.  He had to pull an 18 hour shift and will only get 4 hours of sleep before he has to return to work, but we're both telling ourself at least he only has to drive five minutes vs. 10 plus hours.  Without experiencing the transport job I would think his hours/position was a horrible thing, but now I'm just thankful.  I'm so thankful to no longer be afraid for his life.  I'm thankful to know he has officers who will always have his back.  I'm thankful he's only 5 minutes away and able to work such hard/long hours for his family.  I'm thankful the extra hours make our financial life a little easier.

Also, there's Christmas.  Jason has to work Saturday - Monday night one week and Saturday - Tuesday night the next week.  Christmas falls on Sunday this year.  That means he'll have to go to sleep around by 2:30pm on Christmas eve, sleep till 9, and then work until 10:30am.  Normally I would feel depressed, tons of self pity, and frustration that I couldn't have Christmas the way I dream it to be ... spend Christmas eve with his family and then open our gifts early Christmas morning.  However, after experiencing fearing for his life so much, now I can look at Christmas differently.  We'll have to move everything back a day and I'm really okay with that.  We'll have to do Christmas eve on the 23rd with his family and do our Christmas on the morning of the 24th.  The kids are so young they won't know the difference.  Yes, I'm going to be lonely on Christmas, but I can visit Carol or friends if I want to.
Onto my pregnancy...

Today marks 31/6!  I was put on bedrest with my first 2 on 31/5.  This marks a huge milestone for me.  This marks so many prayers that have gone up on my behalf and the fact that I'm officially pregnant and off bedrest longer then I have with my other pregnancies.  My dr. estimates (loosely) that I'll deliver around 36 or 37 weeks.  Of course, it would be nicer to go later, but that's what I had already figured.  I've been praying to deliver a baby that will breath on his own and be able to nurse without a problem. 

Actually, there are a few specific things I prayed for the moment I found out I was pregnant and it looks like the Lord is already meeting those needs (or letting me know He will.)

1. That he'd put a mother figure or amazing nurse to be with me during my delivery.  I didn't have much female support with Joshua and that experience wasn't pleasant.  I don't want to go through that again.  I want/NEED a woman who will pray with me, encouragement, and press me when I need it.  Ironically, the Lord may have opened that door through an amazing woman/nurse I met with my first pregnancy.  She was amazing.  Just amazing.  When Jadon was unable to breathe on his own (and I couldn't see him) she went out of her way to bring me photos of my baby throughout the night when that was no longer her station to do so.  Afterwards, we followed each other on facebook and ran into one another in walmart a bit.  After Jadon she left the maternity ward to do ER.  WELL, I recently found out she's BACK in the Maternity ward and has told me she WANTS to be there for this baby!  I'm praying that works out.  To have her support would truly be an earnest prayer answered.  Jason is great, but he sucks in the emotional support/keep my anxieties low department.  haha

2. That my baby will be born full term and no bedrest.  I've had contractions, but thankfully they aren't changing my cervix.  I'm not on bedrest.  I hit 32 weeks on Tuesday!

3. That the Lord would meet the financial/space needs for a third.  So far the space needs haven't changed, but that hasn't becoem a necessity yet since he'll be with us in our room for a while.  But, the Lord opened a miraculous door for us to get an AMAZING mini van (that we NEED), opened the door to find an amazing church family, made a way for us to get bunk beds for the boys, i'm making friends for support, and my church family is hosting a baby shower that will help us so much with diapers and basic necessities.  Plus, newer hand me down clothes from friends!

I can see God's hand in all of that and I'm thankful.  I could list several instances  where I know the Lord used others to do things/say things to show me He's in control of everything.  It assures me that He's in control.  This pregnancy wasn't in our timing, but it WAS in His.  That gives me so much comfort.


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This morning Pastor Ty made a comment that I've been meditating on all day.  He said that, "We must fall in love with peace more then the need to be right."

That was so powerful for me.  I've lost count how many times I've gotten into an argument with Jason because I thought I was right.  I didn't care about how that fight would destroy the peace in our home.  I also see how that's happened with friendships in my life too.... or even people I don't like.

I really feel challenged to love peace more then my need to be right.  I believe God honors that as well.

The boys and I are starting to fit into cowboy church.  This was the first morning I really felt apart of the church.  No one has misstreated me or anything, but this morning a lot of women smiled at me and recognized me.  (And I to them as well.)  I didn't feel like a stranger visiting.  I'm looking forward to the day I can 'do' more, but I'm thankful that people are feeling some kind of connection with me in what I can do right now.


And then there's the kids.... Jason and I are really in the trenches figuring out how to teach, discipline, and love the right way.  Some days are so much harder then others! lol

Their Development!

I was sitting here thinking about how much our boys are growing when I decided to blog about it.


Joshua:
He has always been a child who is hands on.  He walked at 9 months, ran shortly there after, and is already talking clearly.  I knew, when I was pregnant with him, that he was going to be my 'football player'.  More stought and hands on.  It was just something I felt the Lord telling me.  I was right!

His vocabulary impresses me.  He says "grandma" in a way I can't repeat.  It's just him.  He tells you, very clearly, if he doesn't want something.  "I don wan it."  It's adorable when we go to the park.  He'll be swinging and start calling for his brother, "JAnin" to watch him swing.  He loves trains.  I need to record him saying, "choo choo" before he changes. 

He's also a big snuggler... especially when he's tired.  I love that he'll crawl up in our lap just to sit with us.  Of course, it won't last long, but he does it frequently.  He also loves to be tucked in.  Whenever he goes to bed, or just wants to snuggle watching tv, he'll say, "co up" for "cover up.

Today mom (mil) treated us to La Fiesta.  It's a delicious mexican restaurant.  She wanted to go, but also it was important for her to get something for Jason to ahve when he got home.  (she's amazing.)  The boys LOVE their quacamole.  I usually mix it with rice, tomatoes, etc.  I coudln't figure out why Joshy wouldn't eat it.  Then I noticed he had his own fork and was trying to scoop it himself... so I gave him a small bowl.  He went to town!  And, he did a pretty good job of it!  He's become a quick learner with utencils!  We had mac and cheese/tuna or dinner.  he REFUSED to eat ... until I handed him a spoon and small bowl.  I had to refill that bowl three times! 

Bath time... Jadon has always loved bath time, but Joshua is our little sea horse!  Tonight he actually laid down, on his back, with his ears under the water, and swooshed around.  Jadon still wont' do that!  I couldn't believe it!  Then he kept dipping his head under the water.  He's going to be a great swimmer some day!

Joshy is also a pretty good listener.  He brings me remotes, hair clips, and other things that he knows are mine.  And, he loves Veggie Tales!



Jadon:
Our Jadon is such a beautiful, sweet hearted, stubborn, willful, eager little boy.  I always call him my little shepherd or pastor.  He really cares about all the details of everything.  He isn't content unless all of his toys/shapes/colors/items are in order.  I truly believe he'll carry that beautiful gift into the people in his life as he grows.

He's also become quite a tattle tale.  I must admit I sure appreciate it a lot of the time!  He's my eyes and ears.  He's saved a lot of stuff from NOT happening with Joshua. haha

The other day Joshua was running around with a child's spoon.  I didn't realize it.  Jadon came running out of the room, opened the utencil drawer, put the spoon way, closed it, and ran back to the bedroom.

He's such a big helper too!  He throws things away that need to be thrown away.  He'll eagerly get things if I'm busy.  He says such cute things like, "Don't worry about Jadon; just worry about yourself." haha

He wants to learn his letters.  I really need to sit with him and do that.  He's already asking to go to school!  He's taught his brother to count to 3 and also some of his colors.

I'm just so blessed to have them in my life!